Summer Reruns 2013

It’s time once again to recap a year of Dante-oriented Facebook status updates!

September 8: Dante just asked me to put tracks from Steve Martin’s “Let’s Get Small” on a mix CD for him. PARENTING ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED.

October 19: Jedi knight costume from the store: $25. Not having to do anything crafty to make Dante a Halloween costume: PRICELESS.

November 5: Stargate held a raffle for a free couple registration to “Parents’ Day” at this conference, and Laura won! WOO! I’m so excited that we get to go — no way we could have spared the $175 ourselves. And many thanks to Mom and Dad for taking care of our little guy while we go learn about how to nurture him better.

January 14: Dante is looking over my shoulder as I play a movie trivia game. He sees the words “Forrest Gump” come up.
DANTE: [incredulously] What is “Forrest Gump”?
ME: It’s the name of a movie.
DANTE: Sounds like it’s not a very GOOD movie.
ME: Why do you say that?
DANTE: Because it sounds like “Forest Gunk.”
ME: Oh, so you think it’s not a good movie because of the phonic similarity between “gump” and “gunk”?
DANTE: Yeah, and forests are not supposed to be gunk, but they are gunk, because people keep cutting them down, and it’s REALLY ANNOYING.

April 28: Dante heard someone quoting the Mark Twain aphorism that if you eat a live frog every morning, nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day. “What I would do in that case”, he said (a formula he uses often), “is put a lot of salt and vinegar on the frog, and then it would be delicious, and the rest of the day would be REALLY great!”

May 6: Listening to Rod Stewart’s “I Was Only Joking.” Dante says, “This song sounds totally like a sequel to that Indigo Girls song!” (Meaning the song “Joking”, from Rites Of Passage.) That’s my boy.

May 8: Internet people, I seek your counsel on the topic of hair product dispensers. Dante is taking showers and washing his hair independently — hooray! However, it’s tough for him to manage a bottle of shampoo or conditioner in his small hands, so we’ve bought the kind with a pump on the top. Hooray again! However: the pump stops working when the bottle gets down to about 1/5 full. So now I’m stacking up 20% full shampoo/conditioner bottles. It feels wasteful to throw them away, so I’m using them, but I am really not a fan of obtaining hair product by unscrewing a cap and banging the bottle onto my hand. Surely there is a better way. Any ideas?

Selected comments:

[May Wescott] A funnel. Actually, they do sell this gizmo that allows you to connect two bottles by their spouts. You put the 20% one on top of the nearly full one and then the shampoo drains into the nearly full one. We used to do it with ketchup bottles.
[Don Guckenberger] I mounted a shampoo/liquid soap container in my shower that dispenses from the bottom. Has a similar problem, but only when it gets down to the last 2-3%
[George Doro] The Container Store (there’s one at Flatiron Crossing) sells these doodads that look like shampoo bottle caps, but with screw-ins at both ends and a hole in between. You screw in a less than half full bottle on one end, another on the other, then set it on a counter for a while, letting the fluid drain from one bottle to the other. Come back, toss the empty and use the refilled bottle.
[Paul O’Brian] Thanks everybody! I’m looking forward to trying some of these ideas.
[Trish Pottersmith] The things I learn from your Facebook questions!

May 14: For my money, it doesn’t get much cuter than the first and second grade general music concert. My face hurts from smiling so much.

May 22: Listening to “Keep the Customer Satisfied” by Simon & Garfunkel:
S&G: And I’m one step ahead of the shoeshine / Two steps away from the county line
DANTE: I don’t think the shoeshine would really be that close to the county line.

Selected comments:

[Jenny Nelson] Captain Literal, Jr.
[Paul Hammann] Why not? People who live near county lines sometimes have shoes in need of a shine. I know I lived near a shoeshine by the county line. Every time I passed it, I’d say “Jeepers, it’s great to be back home.”
[Adam Villani] I’ve noticed that a number of large American airports seem to be located close to county lines. Maybe it’s a shoeshine stand at an airport.
[Paul O’Brian] “Jeepers”? This isn’t a lifelong mondegreen, is it?
[Paul Hammann] I think it is. What should I be singing?
[Paul O’Brian] “Gee, but it’s great to be back home.”
[Paul Hammann] Same diff.
[Paul O’Brian] I dunno… “jeepers.”
[Trish Pottersmith] Oh man.

June 1: Going to Denver Comic-Con today! Pokemon-brained Dante asks, “Is Comic-Con the evolved form of Comic Book Store?”

June 28: Dante: “The symbol for Science is usually a bottle with blue or green liquid, and bubbles coming out of it.”

Selected comments:

[David Cornelson] I think I had a little science last night.
[Nate Cull] Well SOMEONE hasn’t been reading retro 1960s-70s science pulp! The universal symbol for science is CLEARLY an atom! Disclaimer: actual science nowadays may not involve atoms. Or if it does it is very apologetic.

July 9: Classic rock, as corrected by Dante: “Time slips into the past, not the future.”

Selected comments:

[Adam Cadre] I look forward to future installments in this series, such as “You need more than just love – oxygen, for one” and “Thunder sometimes happens when it is not yet raining in your area”
[Kent Cearley] there may be some conceptual prereqs, like procrastination, to get the full benefit of that lyric 🙂
[Nate Cull] Adam: that first one is already corrected. “All I need is the air that I breathe and to love you”. But still I wonder, still I wonder, when will the National Weather Control Administration be fully funded to stop the rain.

July 15: Saw Matilda with Dante this weekend, and was pleasantly surprised at how well it adapted the book. Then checked out Mara Wilson — turns out she grew up smart and funny. Yay!

August 3: Dante: “You memorize music like I memorize Pokemon.” It’s true. I guess we each have our own ways of catching ’em all.


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