As I did last year, I’m spending an LJ post recapping Dante’s last year in Facebook status updates. In other words, here are the things I’ve posted to Facebook about Dante since May 17, 2010:
July 5: Dante, during a fireworks-show-amidst-rainstorms that we watched from the car like a drive-in movie: “This is really uncomfortable and fun!”
August 14: Dante goes to play at the neighbor kid’s house, comes back smelling like Old Spice. ”Hello ladies, how are you? Fantastic. Does your five-year-old look like me? No. Can he smell like me? Yes.”
August 27: We inherited a hot tub with our new house. Which in itself is funny, but then Dante this afternoon as we were filling it: “What do you think the job of filling the hot tub should be called? THE GLUG-KETEER???”
September 14: Laura: “Let me wash your back, my little love, my little boy.” Dante (who was pretending to be Venus at the time): “You mean, let me wash your back, my little hot terrestrial planet!”
September 16: From an “All About Me” poster Dante made at school.
October 9: Dante has mystery hives today. I can’t think of anything new he’s been exposed to for the last couple of days. Very weird. “It’s such a feeling that my love, I get hives! I get hives! I GET HIIIIIIVES!”
[We got him checked out, gave him some Benadryl, and all was well by the next day.]
October 18: Entire family sick, including me. Ugh.
November 9: Dante, reading to me tonight: “When we look up into the night sky, we are peering deep into the fat, homeless depths of the universe.” Me: “Uh, what?” Then I looked at the page and explained that the word is pronounced ‘fathomless.'”
November 23: Dante, re Thanksgiving: “I want to do something nicer for the turkey than what we’re going to do to it.” A future vegetarian, perhaps? Then again, his alternative suggestion was “chicken nuggets and a cookie.” Perhaps all of the dots have not quite yet been connected.
November 25: Watching the Thanksgiving Day parade, I explain to Dante that those people waving flags are called a flag corps. Later, watching a different marching band, he says to me, “Now the instruments are the core and the flags are the crust!”
December 2: just played 45 minutes of Zork with Dante. SO CUTE. The description of grues made him so nervous, though, that he refused to go down the trap door.
December 19: Dante, upon hearing Guns ‘n’ Roses’ “Get In The Ring”: “But… I don’t hear the ‘roses’ sound.”
|[Adam Cadre]||Wait, isn’t he like five years old? Somewhere Tipper Gore just started crying blood.|
|[Adam Cadre]||…I mean, the Bob Guccione Jr. line alone…|
|[Paul O’Brian]||Heh, yeah I conveniently talked over some of that stuff.|
December 24: Dante, lecturing: “Dried glue always feels smooth, except when there’s sweat on it.” Me: “Really? How does it feel when there’s sweat on it?” Dante: “KIND OF smooth.”
January 7: I’ve been reading a book of fairy tales to Dante, and wow, I forgot that The Little Match Girl is a horrible, horrible story.
February 4: Dante, reading to me from “Bad Kitty Gets A Bath” by Nick Bruel, says that cats hate baths, even more than a vegetarian would hate 100 pounds of liver. “Because that is a meat. Specifically, a gross meat.”
February 6: Trying to be married while raising small children is like trying to have a complex intellectual discussion at a bar where great music is playing REALLY LOUDLY ALL THE TIME.
February 22: Dante this morning was pretending to be King Tut, based on a book he’s been reading, and told me, “You can pretend to be a farmer, or a labrador.” I explained that the word is actually “laborer.” He really has an Emily Litella quality sometimes.
March 13: My lovely parents took Dante down to their place for the weekend. I feel like a dog, taken to the park and let off the leash…
April 12: Dante: “Why aren’t there Washington Logs, and Adams Logs, and Jefferson Logs, and that kind of stuff?”
Me: “Good question! That’s because one of the things Abraham Lincoln is famous for is growing up in a log cabin, and none of those other guys are famous for that.”
Dante: “Well, I think the other presidents should still be honored with logs.”
May 26: We gave Dante a magnetic poetry set today. His first creation:
once silent child
and bird sister and
baby are together
He says it’s about Sacagawea — she’s the “bird sister.”
June 20: Tomorrow is Dante’s 6th Birthday. He keeps saying, “I’m 5 and 364/365ths years old!”
July 5: We went to a friend’s house last night to watch the city’s fireworks, and some numbskull’s amateur pyrotechnics caused a huge fire a few doors down. That blaze, the fire engine response, etc. freaked Dante out enough that he went into sensory overload mode, and didn’t want to leave the couch for the rest of the night. Oh well, Laura and I each took turns with him so that the other one could see a few rockets.
July 19: Dante visited a dairy today with his day camp. And tonight, he taught me what he learned: “Milk is basically cow pee.”