Eating and sleeping

It’s come to my attention that some people can’t eat and sleep at the same time. If this is you, I have to say you are missing out on one of life’s great pleasures. I think it’s probably just a mental block for you. Let me tell you how to do it. First of all, you get a good rhythm going with the eating. Like maybe: suck, swallow, suck, swallow, breathe, suck, swallow, suck, swallow, breathe. You know what I mean. Just whatever feels right to you.

Then, once you’ve got your rhythm going, you let your mind start to wander. Sometimes it helps to stare at a fixed point. There are these hats hanging on the wall in my room that really work well. Maybe hang some hats up if you need inspiration. Anyway, once the eating is automatic and your mind is wandering, pretty soon you’ll feel those eyelids getting heavy. Don’t fight it. Within moments, you’ll be enjoying the bliss of simultaneous food and sleep.

Well, that’s my secret. It’s really not very hard at all. Enjoy.


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